Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
