Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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