At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
