I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
