I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
