Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
