Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
