i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
