i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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