My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
