my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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