I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
