I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
