my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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