I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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