well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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