So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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