and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I need to calm my uterus...
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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