You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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