i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
