I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
