There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize