what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
