You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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