The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
