So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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