We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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