there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
so much tequila, so little girl.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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