I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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