Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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