is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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