So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
