I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
