Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
