I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
