she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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