Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
