I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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