The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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