She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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