OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You know, be my cock's hype man.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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