You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
