I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
