Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
