why didn't you poke me back
I skipped work to stalk him.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
