He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i think my tv is drunk
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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