dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
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