i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
