I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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