I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
