If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
