You can't special order awesome
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
