When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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