dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
