I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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