she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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