My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
