He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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