I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
