I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
