Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
