So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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