Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
