ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
