the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
