i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
