i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
