I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
