1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
