I don't usually arrange sex via text message
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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