apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
